The Weight of “Fine”: When Leaders Carry Too Much Quietly

Admin
Nov 6
2 min read

Sometimes “I’m fine” is a shield we use to survive the day. But silence can become heavy. This is what I’ve learned about letting others see the weight behind my smile.

When “Fine” Becomes a Reflex

I used to think “fine” was strength. It rolled off my tongue easily, polished and practiced, ready for board meetings, family calls, and quick check-ins with colleagues. “I’m fine” sounded responsible, steady, even admirable.

But underneath “fine,” I was often exhausted. I was juggling expectations, managing emotions I didn’t have time to name, and performing resilience when what I really needed was rest.

I had mastered the art of holding it together, even when I was quietly unraveling. That’s what happens when leaders internalize the belief that vulnerability equals weakness; we start living behind rehearsed responses.

The Silent Weight of Leadership

There’s a certain loneliness that can come with leading well. We carry not only our own concerns but also the worries of those we lead. We absorb disappointment, deflect criticism, and still have to show up with a composed smile.

But silence, I’ve learned, is heavy. It doesn’t protect you; it isolates you. It builds invisible walls that keep people from offering the empathy you actually deserve.

Saying “I’m fine” became a way of protecting my image instead of protecting my peace. And eventually, that image started to crack under the weight of its own perfection.

The Courage to Tell the Truth

Healing began when I stopped managing perception and started telling the truth. The truth that sometimes I don’t have the capacity to fix everything. The truth that leadership is rewarding, but also lonely at times. The truth that strong doesn’t always feel good.

When I began answering “How are you?” with honesty, something beautiful happened, connection. People didn’t run from my truth; they leaned into it. My openness gave others permission to exhale too. Real leadership isn’t about maintaining a spotless image. It’s about modeling authenticity, showing others that you can lead and be human.

How to Lighten the Load

Pause before you answer. Give yourself a moment to check in before defaulting to “I’m fine.”

Let trusted people. Leaders need safe spaces too: friends, mentors, coaches who can hold your truth without judgment.

Redefine strength. It’s not about endurance; it’s about alignment. Real strength comes from staying connected to your source, not from suppressing your soul.

A Word for Leaders

If your “fine” has become a habit, it’s time to check what it’s hiding. We can’t heal what we keep pretending doesn’t hurt. The courage to tell the truth is what allows leadership to remain sacred, and sustainable.

Reflection Prompt

What truth am I afraid to tell because I think it will make me look weak?

Affirmation

“My honesty makes space for healing. I don’t have to carry it all quietly.”

Call to Action

Ready to go deeper? My book Another Face of Trauma: Removing the Mask of Overachieving is available now. Order your copy at www.drcapricawells.com.