Choosing Me (Again): Anxious, Proud, and Called
- Admin
- Aug 29, 2025
- 2 min read
I’m anxious. And I’m proud.
Both can be true at the same time.
This Friday, I’m pressing “publish” on a version of me that has taken years to arrive: a woman choosing herself—again—out loud. I’ve started and stopped Reaching Through more times than I can count since 2006. Each season taught me something, stretched me somewhere, and revealed another layer of who I’m called to be. This time feels different. Not because the fear is gone, but because courage is louder.
Starting, Stopping, and Starting Again
I used to judge myself for the pauses. I called them inconsistency, when many were simply recovery—grief, transition, leadership demands, and life doing what life does. The older (and gentler) me can say: I didn’t fail; I regathered. I didn’t quit; I recalibrated. I did fall down, but only to reach through.
Every restart left clues:
People were helped even when I felt small.
My voice carried farther than my doubt.
The assignment kept finding me, even when I hid.
The Mask I’m Taking Off
I’ve worn the mask of overachievement and the mask of “I’m fine.” Influencing from a place of armor is safe, but it’s not free. So here’s the unarmored version:
I’m anxious because visibility invites opinions.
I’m proud because obedience invites oil.
I’m choosing me because God already did.
Influence isn’t follower count. Influence is stewardship—of story, wisdom, and authority. I’m learning to carry the mantle without shrinking or performing, trusting that GOD doesn’t call what He won’t also cover.
Why This Time Is Different
Because I finally understand that becoming is not a brand—it’s a posture. I can be Executive Director, author, mother, leader, Woman of GOD and still show up as a whole human who is practicing what she teaches: leveling up with boundaries, healing in community, and building something that outlives algorithms.
This time I am:
Confident in the message: healing is possible, leadership can be humane, and excellence can coexist with rest.
Committed to the assignment: create spaces where people can lay down their masks and pick up their lives.
Covered by grace: I move at the pace of peace, not pressure.
What I’m Saying Yes To
Consistency without perfection.
Content that serves—education, leadership, faith, healing.
Community over clout.
Depth over noise.
GOD over gimmicks.
What I’m Releasing
Performing for approval.
Comparing seasons.
Explaining my calling to people who didn’t receive it.
Shame about pauses. Selah is holy.
If You’re Also Starting Again…
Try this simple rhythm:
Name your assignment. In one sentence.
Choose a pace. Sustainable beats sensational.
Find your anchors. 2 days a month you always publish, no matter how small.
Remember the why. Results will follow stewardship.
A Short Prayer
GOD, thank You for the mantle and the map. Order my steps and steady my heart. Make me faithful over the message You’ve entrusted to me. Let my influence be oil, not noise—healing, not hype. Keep me confident and committed to the assignment You destined me to travel. Amen.
I’m anxious. I’m proud. I’m choosing me—again. And I’m walking this road with open hands.
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